marriage

Thoughts On Marriage

pjimgallagher1 Comment

Matthew 19:4-6
“He answered, ‘Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?” So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.’”

2015/01/img_1349.jpgWe understand that marriage was designed by God. He created man and woman, and designed marriage as the most intimate of all relationships. But why? What is the purpose of marriage? If we were to walk the streets and interview people, asking them, “Why did you get married?”, I think the most common reply would be, “I got married to be happy.” I don’t think every married couple is happy, but I think that it is the motivation behind most marriages. We think being with that person will make us happy. But I want you to notice what we read regarding God’s design in marriage: “It is not good for man to be alone…” (Genesis 2:18). It was not for man’s happiness alone that God designed marriage, but instead, for his good.

Let me remind you of another very familiar verse:

Romans 8:28
“And we know that all things work together for good for to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”

Paul is reminding us that God uses everything in our lives for good. But what is the good? Does he mean everything in our life is designed to make us happy, or healthy, or wealthy? If we look at verse 29, Paul continues:

Romans 8:29
“For whom he foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son…”

What is the good that everything is working toward? What is the good that marriage was designed to provide? It is the good of being made more like Jesus. Everything in our lives is like a tool in the hand of God, which He uses in order to make us more like Jesus. The difficult boss, the rain on your wedding day, receiving the promotion, finding money you did not know you had, are all tools God uses to make us comparable to Jesus. What is the tool that He uses the most? Once you get married, I think that tool will be your spouse. In fact, the marriage relationship is the closest thing the unbeliever will see of a relationship with the Lord. The husband’s love is compared to Christ’s love for us, and the wife’s obedience is compared to the obedience the believer is to show to Christ.

We need to learn not to look to our spouse to make us happy. It is too great a burden for them to carry. We need to learn to look to the Lord, and allow the Lord to mold and shape us into the image of Christ.

Pastor Jim

 

Dysfunctional

pjimgallagher2 Comments

Genesis 29:26
“And Laban said, ‘It must not be done so in our country, to give the younger before the firstborn.’”

2015/01/img_1333.jpg
All families have some level of dysfunction, but Jacob’s household was a mess. What started with a surprise unveiling the morning after the wedding, grew into a family with two wives competing for the love of one husband. As time moved on, things got worse rather than better. Children were born into the family out of wedlock, and his wives were making back room deals as to who was going to spend the night with Jacob. It is little wonder, when these kids grew up, they had emotional issues and were willing to sell a brother into slavery. What happened to this family to create such chaos?

Genesis 29:26 “And Laban said, ‘It must not be done so in our country, to give the younger before the firstborn.'”

Tradition can be a good thing. We have a 30 year old tradition in our family, of meeting at my wife’s parents house for Monday night dinner. In many ways, it is the highlight of the week for the kids. But when traditions are contrary to the Word of God, they are a bad thing. What was acceptable, and even expected in culture, caused Laban to trick Jacob into marrying both his daughters, and violating the ways of God. Marriage was designed by God to be between one man and one woman; and to last a lifetime. Jacob turned his marriage into two women, and two “other women”, and what followed was confusing to say the least.

It is not culturally accepted in America to have two or more wives simultaneously, but it has become acceptable to treat marriage as disposable. It is even common to hear couples, who are having difficulties in marriage, decide to call it quits “for the sake of the children.” We need to keep in mind that God designed marriage, and difficulties are not reasons to end a relationship, but to work on the relationship. Buying into the current cultural ideas of what a marriage should look like, or when a marriage should end, is wrong, and has long term affects on the kids. No matter how much we try to convince ourselves, a bad marriage or a broken marriage, will negatively affect the growth of our kids.

The answer is to stop looking at the world to define marriage, but to begin to look to the Word of God. God did not design marriage to be miserable, but to be a joyous relationship that would reflect the love He has for the world. If your marriage is less than that, perhaps it is time to look into the Bible for the blueprints of a healthy marriage. These texts were designed to help: Ephesians 5:22-33, 1Peter 3:1-7,  1Corinthians 7. Get together with your spouse and read through the Word, making any and all appropriate applications. Keep in mind, we cannot change another person, we can only change ourselves.

Pastor Jim

 

Finding A Wife

pjimgallagher1 Comment

Genesis 24:4
“You shall go… and take a wife for my son Isaac.”

2015/01/img_1321.jpgRelationships are a key part of life. Healthy relationships lead to a good life, and unhealthy relationships will make life very difficult. The most important earthly relationship is marriage, and who you marry is one of the most important decision in life (second only to receiving Christ.) Solomon wrote “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22). Genesis 24 tells the story of how Isaac and Rebekah met. Their story is a bit different than most of ours because the marriage was arranged, but there are some vital principles to keep in mind for any relationship.

Genesis 24:40
“But he said to me, ‘The Lord, before whom I walk, will send His angel with you and prosper your way; and you shall take a wife for my son from my family and from my father’s house.'”

First, it is important to remember God has a plan for you. Paul wrote, God has foreordained good works for us to walk in (Ephesians 2:10); that includes who we will marry. Long before Abraham’s servant arrived at the well, the angel of the Lord was there preparing the way. To think God has forgotten you is bad theology, and often leads to bad decisions. When we forget God has a plan for us, we get impatient and begin to settle for less. Imagine if Adam had not waited on the Lord, he would have ended up with an ape.

Second, we are told where they met. Abraham was adamant that Isaac’s bride not be selected from the ungodly Canaanites. If Isaac was going to have a good marriage, he must choose a godly wife. As his servant went on the search, he selected a location where the young women gathered to draw water. I have been told, the three most important rules of real estate are location, location, location. The same is true of relationships. If Isaac was going to find a godly wife, he needed to look in the right places. Too often, people become lonely, impatient and discouraged. When they have not found the right someone, they lower their standards, and start looking in the wrong places. Remember, there are certain places that are off limits. Looking for a relationship with an unbeliever – off limits. Looking for a relationship with someone who is married – off limits.

Third, Abraham’s servant had a high standard. He was first taken by the beauty of Rebekah, but that beauty was soon overshadowed by her godliness. She revealed her godliness in her willingness to serve, and her great faith. Having never met Isaac, she was willing to trust the Lord and move forward with the relationship. Solomon wrote,

“Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” Proverbs 31:30

Finally, while the servant is out searching, Isaac is at home waiting on the Lord. This serves as a vivid illustration: Isaac represents the believer waiting on the Lord, and the servant represents the Holy Spirit at work. Isaac finds his bride, not by seeking her, but by seeking the Lord. Jesus said, “seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you” (Matthew 6:33). One of the grave mistakes we make is seeking a spouse, instead of seeking the Lord.

Pastor Jim

 

Troubles In Marriage

pjimgallagher1 Comment

Proverbs 21:9
“Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop,
than in a house shared with a contentious woman.”

Proverbs 21:19
“Better to dwell in the wilderness,
than with a contentious and angry woman.”

Proverbs 19:13
“. . . the contentions of a wife are a continual dripping.”

images-1.jpegSolomon seems to be an expert on dealing with a contentious wife. He speaks of living with her as being like a dripping faucet, or a leaky roof. He suggests that it is better to find a corner of the housetop to live on, rather than be in the house with her. He later states, you are better off homeless and living in the wilderness, than remaining in the home with her continual nagging. Solomon’s statements serve as a good illustration of what not to do in a marriage.

First, we find clear application for the wife. Simply put, do not be contentious. The word contentious means to be argumentative, quarrelsome or even combative. It speaks of someone who is always finding fault in what another is doing. Paul explained that the role of the wife is to honor and support her husband. A wife should be actively involved in building her husband up, so he can become the man God intended him to be. Constant nagging, belittling, and opposing, undermines the work God wants to do, rather than accomplishing it. Peter put it like this,

1 Peter 3:1
“Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives”

Second, we find application for the husband. It may be true that living on the roof or out in the wild is better than living with constant contention, but it is also true that it is much better to live in a house without it. If we examine the life of Solomon we find that perhaps he was the cause of the contention. Scripture instructed the king to have only one wife. That was always the plan of God for mankind. Solomon ignored the Word of God, as it related to marriage, and multiplied wives unto himself. In addition to his many wives he also had a long list of girlfriends. It is no wonder his wife was contentious. If a husband does not treat His wife the way the Bible describes, he has little to complain about when she does not treat him the way he desires. Instead of multiplying wives, Solomon should have been multiplying the expression of his love toward the wife he had. In the same way, a husband should not be looking at what is wrong with his wife as an excuse to mistreat her, but instead should be desiring that his wife be the most loved woman on the planet.

If husbands will seek new ways to express love to their wives, and wives will seek to build up their husbands, we will have a whole lot less contention in the home, or men living in the wilderness.

Pastor Jim

Old Testament:
Zephaniah 1- Privacy Please
Zephaniah 2- Meekness