Parenting

Proverbs 29:15
“The rod and rebuke give wisdom,
But a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.”

Proverbs 29:17
“Correct your son, and he will give you rest;
Yes, he will give delight to your soul.”

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Before becoming the Pastor of Calvary Chapel Vero Beach, I spent eight years teaching in the classroom. The first five years I taught in middle school and the final three in high school. Those years proved to be both a wonderful experience and an excellent training ground for raising my own children. My first year was interesting to say the least. I was 23 years old and newly married. I had little experience dealing with preteens, except for the fact that I had been one. My approach in the classroom could have been called the “whose your buddy” method. I attempted to be the cool teacher, who never gave out detentions, office referrals, or parent contacts. The result was chaos. After a few months, I spoke with an aunt who had been in education for years. When I asked for her secret to order in the classroom, she explained that she did not have disciplinary problems, because she had a standard the students understood and she stuck to. Soon after, I observed another teacher who clearly stated the classroom standards and kept to them. When a student misbehaved, she did not become emotional, losing her cool and raising her voice, she simply pointed out that he was breaking the rules, and disciplined accordingly. Those experiences transformed my ability to instruct the children. Instead of spending all my time, energy, and prayer life, dealing with discipline, I was able to teach.

Solomon points out, this same principle should be applied to the home. We have all seen children misbehaving and parents doing nothing more than warning them to stop. As the child continues, the parent raises the level of his voice, until the parent has completely lost his cool. Soon, he begins to scream at the child, perhaps even grabbing the child forcefully by the arm, to snatch him up and leave without further embarrassment. If we are honest, we have not only seen that parent, but we have been that parent. The secret to successful discipline is having a clear biblical standard for our children. The result will be spending less time agitated and upset, and more time instructing and loving our kids.

Allow me to give a few guidelines. First, our standard is based upon how our Heavenly Father treats us. He is ever merciful and forgiving, and understands we are prone to failure. Never does God condone sin, but He is always ready to lovingly restore us when we fail. One common failure among parents is, putting standards on children that they themselves could not keep. Second, when we must exercise discipline, this should become a teaching time. Instead of allowing our emotions to take over and reacting in anger or frustration, we want to clearly point out how our child has misbehaved. We must explain what the Bible says about proper behavior, consequences, and forgiveness. This is a critical time to hug and pray with our children. Finally, we must be sure the punishment fits the crime. Are we upset at our child because his behavior was wrong or because it embarrassed us in front of our peers? I have seen parents horrified at their child because they bit another child in Sunday school. While it is wrong to bite other kids, in some cases, the parents were more embarrassed by how that made them look, than at the infraction of their toddler. I have even known parents to stop coming to church because of the embarrassment. Keep in mind, your child’s behavior is not always a representation of your parenting. After all, God’s kids ate the forbidden fruit. Don’t discipline out of embarrassment, but discipline with kindness and affection, for the infraction that has been committed.

Pastor Jim

Questions for Proverbs 29 
1. Solomon has a lot to say about the wise man. Make a last of the traits of the wise from this chapter. 

2. Course your life to the list and make any necessary changes. 

3. If you are a parent, look through this chapter for what Solomon writes about children. 

4. Choose a favorite verse from this chapter and write out your thoughts on how to apply it to your life. 



Old Testament:
Zechariah 13- Stain Removal
Zechariah 14- Ready?

One thought on “Parenting

  1. mwd1991 December 29, 2021 / 10:42 am

    Questions for Proverbs 29 

    ———
    
1. Solomon has a lot to say about the wise man. Make a list of the traits of the wise from this chapter. 

    “Scoffers set a city aflame, but wise men turn away wrath.” (Proverbs 29:8)

    “A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back.” (Proverbs 29:11)

    Lately I’ve found myself trying to avoid using the words “I feel.” Not because I haven’t been venting “like a fool” at times, but because there seems to be a negative connotation to having emotions within Christianity..? At one point I was on a medication that made me emotionally numb. When I jokingly asked someone if I “was a Christian yet,” I believe they responded with something along the lines of “that I was getting close” lol

    I once read that while people who develop Alzheimer’s are incapable of remembering an event, they are capable of remembering the emotions it made them feel. As someone with minor to moderate memory issues myself, I often believe that I have come to rely on these feelings in order to navigate life at times. Similar to how a deaf person learns to echolocate or to “see with their ears,” can a person with memory issues learn to remember with their heart? Can their “feelings” be more accurate than someone else’s? If I have truly been wrong about everything, then perhaps not. Otherwise, I hope it will be taken into consideration that… perhaps our feelings aren’t necessarily the enemy we seem to view them to be.



    2. Course your life to the list and make any necessary changes. 

    It seems a bit strange that you can’t unconsciously rely on a fellow Christian “brother” or “sister” to support you emotionally as well as in other areas of life… especially for those who aren’t married… Though gossip does prove to be a challenge even within the church for some reason… Why allow a gossiper to continue gossiping? Someone who gossips to you about someone else will surely gossip about you to someone else. Having learned the hard way… for now on I will cut ties with these people sooner than later.

    “A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.” (Proverbs 11:13)



    3. If you are a parent, look through this chapter for what Solomon writes about children. 

    “The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.” (Proverbs 29:15)

    “Correct your son, and he will give you rest; Yes, he will give delight to your soul.” (Proverbs 29:17)

4. Choose a favorite verse from this chapter and write out your thoughts on how to apply it to your life. 

    “A man’s pride will bring him low, but the humble in spirit will retain honor.” (Proverbs 29:23)

    When I first started attending church again… the question I kept asking everyone was:

    “When I wanted a relationship, I worked out. When I wanted to make money, I started a business. Why do I need God?”

    Perhaps I struggle with this same, prideful, question even now; six months or more later. God has given me so much, so many “signs” even, but because I can’t have the one thing I desire (with pure intent), the only thing I’ve asked for (for myself), I am forced to question his goodness… That is what I have to overcome. So long as it is his will, I will though.

    Misc:

    I’m trying to quit vaping for good, but keep falling back into it. Christmas Day I drove to the gas station to purchase a new one, but my license was expired and they wouldn’t sell it to me. Today I left early to renew it thinking the DMV opened at 8:00AM, but they don’t open until 8:40AM on Wednesday’s for “employee training.” Shortly after I arrived an older man with white hair and beard did too. We talked the entire time while patiently waiting for them to open up and I was able to help him set up an online appointment in the event they couldn’t see us today; in addition to inviting him to church. After waiting 40 minutes, I was unable to renew my license. Perhaps it is for the best though… Simply so that I can not purchase another vape during whatever is to come this next week. Looking forward to finding out! 🙂

    Like

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