marriage

Unbreakable 

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Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; but how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

Solomon’s search for life has led him to the conclusion that life is better when we do not have to walk it alone. He gives four examples to illustrate his conclusion. These examples are more practical than they are poetic. First, he suggests that having a companion is better because we can get more work done. Second, if we fall down, we have someone to help us get back up. Third, we can warm one another, and finally, if attacked, we have a better chance of survival.

This passage has application for all relationships, but especially in marriage. We will find success when we view our spouse as a helpmate, and we seek to assist, support, comfort and protect each other. However, the real beauty of this passage,  and what makes it so very practical, is the final line.

“And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

The true strength of any relationship is when it is built around a relationship with Christ. If you are married, and want to have a healthy, blessed and growing relationship with your spouse, the key is to place Christ at the center of your marriage. This can be done by seeking to please Him in the way you treat your spouse. Often, marriages collapse because we fail to treat our spouse with the same dignity that we treat a stranger or co-worker. Peter encouraged wives to seek to win their husbands. I think that advice can be applied to husband and wife.

If you are not married, but are seeking to be, it is important to keep Christ at the center of your current relationships. Too often, we make compromises and concessions before marriage, because we have not sought to live pleasing to the Lord. Christ will be a stabilizing element in those relationships, where He is allowed to influence the way we behave. Too often, we want Jesus to bless us, but we are unwilling to live the kind of life He can bless.

Whatever your current state, it is not too late to put Christ at the center. If you are misbehaving in your relationship, stop, turn to Jesus, ask for forgiveness and help to change. When He becomes the center, you will experience the blessings He intends.

Pastor Jim

 

Relationships 

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1 Corinthians 7:2
“A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.”

The Corinthian Christians wrote a letter to Paul asking him some basic questions about how to live out their Christianity. One of those questions had to do with relationships between men and women. Since they lived in a pagan culture, they grew up with pagan examples of how to be single and how to be married. After coming to Christ, they realized God had different standards, and they wanted to learn His ideal for Christian relationships. This chapter is Paul’s response to their question. It is worth noting that Paul writes concerning three groups of people: the single, the married and the separated.

To the single Christian, Paul explains that physical relationships, while designed by God, are restricted to the marriage relationship. In order to remove all doubt about the danger of getting involved physically before marriage, he writes, “It is good for a man not to touch a woman.” Obviously, he is not speaking about an accidental bump or a handshake, but is referring to the physical acts that arouse and lead to sexual activity. Although it is common, encouraged, and expected for single people today to be sexually active, Paul tells the Christian to wait for marriage.

When it comes to the married Christian, Paul has an entirely different message. He explains that when we are wed, we give ourselves to our spouse. We are no longer two individuals living to fulfill our own wishes, but we have become one. Our lives are now wrapped up inseparably with our spouse.This is particularly true as it relates to our physical relationship. Instead of using sex as a weapon to win our way with our spouse, Paul writes, “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.” Clearly, the affection a wife desires is different from what a husband wants. In order to have a healthy marriage, we must take our eyes off our own desires and place them upon our spouse. Sometimes, the most affectionate thing a man can do for his wife is to clean the kitchen, do the laundry or help the kids with their homework.

Finally, Paul has a message for those whose marriages are falling apart. They have encountered such storms within their relationship, the only course of action seems to be to dissolve the marriage before anyone else gets hurt. Within the culture of the ancient world, divorce was common. When things get difficult, people always seem to look for a way out. Paul’s message might be summed up by saying, difficulty is not a reason to dissolve a marriage, but to work on the marriage. He writes,

“A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.”

The situation he describes is a difficult one. The couple has faced such challenges that one or both, have decided to scrap the marriage and move on. To which Paul explains, we should separate only far enough to work toward reconciliation. If you are facing tough times in your marriage, do not look for a trap door that will release you from the covenant you made before God. Instead, look to how your relationship can be restored. It may be, the only solution is for you to daily sit at the feet of Jesus, and plead for Him to change you and your spouse, and restore your marriage. Obviously, two people are involved, and at times, a spouse may refuse to reconcile, but we must always seek the Lord’s best; not what is culturally common.

If you are married, take some time today to read through 1 Corinthians 7 with your spouse and apply the marriage principles to your relationship. It is not too late for God to make your marriage what He intended it to be.

Pastor Jim

 

Love And Respect 

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Esther 1:20
“When the king’s decree which he will make is proclaimed throughout all his empire (for it is great), all wives will honor their husbands, both great and small.”

The opening scene of Esther sheds a bright light on the needs of men. Ahasuerus, king of Persia, had invited all the nobles of his kingdom to a great celebration. It is likely, he was trying to persuade them to get behind his program of sending a massive army to overthrow Greece. During this celebration, he called for his wife to come and parade herself before him and his friends. No doubt, this would be an embarrassing act for any woman, so she refused. Ahasuerus took her refusal as a personal attack against him. He felt as though his wife was not behind him, supporting and honoring him as king. This sent a chilling message to all the men, if the queen did not honor her husband, what chance did they have of being honored by their wives.

Those who study human behavior suggest the greatest need a man has in a relationship is to be honored or respected. When a man senses his wife supports and believes in him, he is able to face just about anything. While I am not suggesting Ahasuerus’ behavior is noble, I do see a picture of how important it is for a wife to support her husband. One of the greatest women of Scripture is Sarah, who was honored by God for the honor she gave to her husband. Paul declared, the number one responsibility of a wife is to respect her husband.

I have found, in many marriages, wives are failing to honor their husbands because they don’t sense they are being loved. This turns into a vain battle where the wife is not honoring, because she is not being loved, and the husband is not loving, because he is not being honored. If that describes your marriage – STOP IT. Instead of waiting for your spouse to do the right thing, offer yourself to the Lord and determine you will live pleasing to Him. Whatever the current state of your marriage, take comfort in knowing God is able to do great things in the lives of all who are willing to do things His way.

Pastor Jim

 

What Went Wrong?

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2 Samuel 6:16

“Now as the ark of the Lord came into the City of David, Michal, Saul’s daughter, looked through a window and saw King David leaping and whirling before the Lord; and she despised him in her heart.”


Looking back on the history of Israel, there are certain days that stand out above others. The day Abraham received the covenant, the day Israel was set free from Egypt, and the day Joshua led the nation across the Jordan. These are but a few of the nation’s highlights. I don’t think it a stretch to add the day the Ark of the covenant was delivered to Jerusalem. This was a day of national celebration, including music, dancing, feasting and sacrifice. It seems the whole city turned out for this festive celebration. There was, no doubt, a buzz of excitement in the air as people celebrated the goodness of God, and made public confessions of faith. It is with this as a backdrop,that we read these awful words, “Michal, Saul’s daughter, looked through a window and saw King David leaping and whirling before the Lord; and she despised him in her heart.”


Michal did not always feel this way. She was the princess, a daughter of Saul, who met David when he was a worship leader and a captain in the Israeli army. She let her feelings for him be known, and he risked his life on the battlefield to prove himself worthy of her hand in marriage. Their wedding day would be like a storybook romance, as the princess and the hero were married in the palace of the king. Sadly, the romance did not last. 


Webster defines the word despised as, “to look down on with contempt or aversion or to regard as negligible, worthless, or distasteful.” The Hebrew word is used to describe the way Goliath viewed David. This couple, who had once been madly in love with one another, now hated each other with a passion and could not stand the sight of one another. The exchange they shared is beyond cruel. David takes a shot at her family, while Michal accuses him of flaunting himself before the young women. What happened? What could ruin such an amazing love story? 


While I am sure there are many variables, one thing stands out for sure. Long before this event, David allowed the culture, rather than the Word of God, to influence the way he treated his wife. Culturally, it was expected for a king to have many wives. This was a sign of prestige and power. Biblically, it was commanded that an Israeli king have only one wife. David chose a worldly pattern for marriage. 


Today, it is not only uncommon, but illegal, to have more than one spouse, but the world’s model of marriage is still equally as destructive. It seems, today, marriage is looked at as unnecessary, temporary, and designed to bring personal satisfaction or happiness. As a result, many Christians are choosing not to marry, while behaving as a married couple. Others, are tossing in the towel, because they are no longer happy or satisfied. It is time we look beyond the world, and into the Word for the model of marriage. We will find that God has given specific tools which will ensure we forever remain “satisfied with the wife of our youth.”


For a deeper look at marriage, read Ephesians 5:21-33, 1Peter 3:1-12 and 1Corinthians 7.


Pastor Jim 


Shadow Boxing

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2 Samuel 2:17

“So there was a very fierce battle that day, and Abner and the men of Israel were beaten before the servants of David.”

If we had a bird’s eye view of the events that transpired that day, we would see two armies positioned to fight against one another. On one side, the armies of Ishbosheth, led by Abner, and on the other, the armies of David, led by Joab. After a contest designed to show the talent of the soldiers, a bloody battle ensued, leaving three hundred and eighty men dead. If we take a closer look, we will see that this is not two armies fighting, but one nation turning on itself. When the battle ended, no enemy had been defeated and no real victory had been won. Instead, we find a nation has turned upon itself, leaving hundreds of families devastated, and the seeds of future conflict being sown. This battle was more like a cancer, and in the end, Israel was weakened by its victory. 


The applications from this truth seem almost endless. We see it implemented when the church spends it’s time fighting over minor doctrinal issues or philosophies of ministry, instead of seeking to proclaim the Gospel throughout the world. We see it in marriages, when couples fight over insignificant things, forgetting that it is possible to win an argument and lose a marriage. We see it in relationships, when people are unwilling to humble themselves and forgive, when they feel they have been wronged, and their stubbornness destroys a friendship. 


For the sake of the kingdom, your family, and your own health, it is time we stop fighting the wrong battles. Paul wrote to the Corinthians regarding interpersonal conflicts they were having, and said,  


1 Corinthians 6:7

“Now therefore, it is already an utter failure for you that you go to law against one another. Why do you not rather accept wrong? Why do you not rather let yourselves be cheated?”


Sometimes, the best thing we can do is humble ourselves, and let the fight end. Jesus declared a blessing on those who seek to make peace (Matthew 5:9). 


Pastor Jim 


Rise And Shine 

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1 Samuel 1:3
“This man went up from his city yearly to worship and sacrifice to the Lord of hosts in Shiloh…”

1 Samuel opens by introducing us to Elkanah. We learn he was a godly man who was devoted to the Lord. We read he loved his family and sought to lead them in the things of the Lord. He made annual trips to Shiloh, to celebrate the feasts of the Lord. Time, money, or inconvenience was never used as an excuse to keep him from bringing his family to worship the Lord. However, Elkanah’s life was not without hardship. His wife Hannah was barren, and no matter what he did to express his love to her, she felt as though there was something missing. She longed for a child and he longed to make her happy.

His example is all the more powerful when we keep in mind the spiritual climate in Israel at the time. We read twice in Judges, there “was no king in Israel and everyone did what was right in their own eyes” (Judges 17:6, 21:25). In other words, the people had left the Word of God and were doing whatever they thought would make them happy. We read of spiritual confusion and social unrest throughout the land. Even the priesthood was being affected, as men were serving the Lord only as a means to make money and obtain power.

Elkanah chose to live above the standards set by those around him. He chose to put God first in his life and in his family. He made it a practice to bring his family to worship, and to be obedient to the Word. As the spiritual climate around us becomes more and more foggy, it is critical that we commit ourselves, our ways, and our families to follow the Lord.

Pastor Jim

 

A Love Story

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Ruth 2:11

“And Boaz answered and said to her, ‘It has been fully reported to me, all that you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband, and how you have left your father and your mother and the land of your birth, and have come to a people whom you did not know before.'”


The book of Ruth is one if the most beautiful love stories ever written. In it, we read of a wealthy landowner who falls in love with a young servant girl, and goes to great lengths to earn her hand in marriage. His story is so fascinating that, until recently, it was part of the mandatory reading in public high schools, and as a result, was the first Bible story I ever read. While the assumption is that Ruth must have been physically attractive, that is not what caught the attention of Boaz. He was drawn to her for her character and her commitment to the Lord. 


Ruth  2:11

“And Boaz answered and said to her, ‘It has been fully reported to me, all that you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband, and how you have left your father and your mother and the land of your birth, and have come to a people whom you did not know before.'”


Ruth made a decision to lay her life down, first for the God of Naomi, and then for Naomi, herself. She left her culture, her religion, and homeland, to remain with her mother-in-law, even if it meant she would never have a husband, children, or life of her own. This act of self-sacrifice was driven by her commitment to God and became a testimony that spread throughout Bethlehem. 


Ruth 1:16-17

“For wherever you go, I will go;

And wherever you lodge, I will lodge;

Your people shall be my people,

And your God, my God. 

Where you die, I will die,

And there will I be buried.

The Lord do so to me, and more also,

If anything but death parts you and me.”


Relationships are key to successfully following Christ, and no relationship is more important than the person we choose to marry. Boaz is a good example of a man who waited until he met someone who was as committed to God as he was. His wealth and status in the community would have afforded him the opportunity to pursue the woman of his choice, but he chose to wait. It was not until he met Ruth, who not only spoke of being a follower of God, but demonstrated it with her lifestyle. 


Pastor Jim 

  

 

Fair-Minded

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Acts 17:11
“. . . more fair-minded. . . “

Paul and his companions were traveling throughout Greece. They had been in Philippi, Thessalonica, and would soon be in Athens. These were all very prominent cities. Philippi was the foremost city in the region of Macedonia, and Athens remained the scholastic capital of the Empire. Berea, on the other hand, was a small town, which in the large scale of things, was pretty insignificant. No one would be impressed with someone from Berea. They were not known for their universities, trade, or monuments.

While the world may not have been particularly impressed with the Bereans, Scripture certainly was. Luke takes the time to write concerning the character of these Christians. He speaks of their fair-mindedness; the King James uses the word, noble. These folks were considered nobility by the Apostles.

What is it that caught the attention of the Apostles? It was the fact that they were open to the Word of God, trusted it as the final authority on who God was and how to please Him. We read that they received the Word with readiness. This means, when their Bibles were open, they were expecting to hear from God. I imagine a scene where they have Bibles open in one hand and notepad and pen the other. They knew the Bible to be the Word of God, and anticipated that God wanted to instruct them when it was taught.

We also read, they searched the Scripture to determine if the Apostles’ teaching was true. The real authority in their lives was the Word of God. Too often, Christians will allow the church or church leaders, to be their authority and will believe anything  declared from a pulpit. The Bereans only accepted what was taught if it was consistent with the teachings of Scripture. This saved them from being caught up in the wild winds of false doctrine that could sweep through the church. Other Christians will allow culture to be their final authority and behave consistent with the world in which they live. Their practices are no different than the unbelievers that surround them; never taking time to look into the Word of God and examine what their marriage, family life, work attitude, recreational activities, and speech should be like. When we live like that, we are far from the nobility found in the Bereans.

Let’s determine that the Word of God becomes the final authority for our lives and our living. Search It daily and live accordingly. May it be said of each of us, the we are “more fair-minded.”

Pastor Jim

 

Happy Marriage 

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Deuteronomy 24:5
“When a man has taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war or be charged with any business; he shall be free at home one year, and bring happiness to his wife whom he has taken.”

Moses is reminding the people of the laws of God. These were the standards which would govern individuals and the nation. If they followed His precepts, they would be blessed by God, and would be attractive to the world around them. Like a light in the darkness, Israel would draw men to the Lord. Tucked away in this list of regulations is a principle, that if heeded, will lead to a blessed and happy marriage. Certainly, a happy and healthy family life will serve as a strong witness in a world. A world where so many marriages are falling apart, and children are the victims of a fallen and sin-filled world.

The principle here is very simple. For the first year of marriage, nothing was to matter more to the man than making his wife happy. Business trips, and even the protection of the nation against invasion, was to take a back seat to the happiness of his wife. God is not suggesting the husband have a calendar, marking off each day, as if it was a prison sentence to be completed. Instead, the early years of the relationship is where the foundation is laid. If a man can convince his wife that nothing matters more to him than she, he will be well on his way to having a happy, married life. Paul put it like this,

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, . . .” Ephesians 5:25

Psychologists tell us, the greatest need a woman has is to know that she is loved. A wife who knows the love of her husband can handle just about anything.

Whether you are a husband or a wife, perhaps it is time to make an effort to invest in the happiness of your spouse. Instead of thinking of all the ways you’ve been  disappointed,  why not spend time thinking of ways to pour love into your spouse, and see if the God who parts the seas, is able to put life into your relationship. Remember, there is more at stake than your personal happiness, the whole world is watching.

Pastor Jim

 

Marriage Problems

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Numbers 5:14
“If the spirit of jealousy comes upon him and he becomes jealous of his wife, who has defiled herself; or if the spirit of jealousy comes upon him and he becomes jealous of his wife, although she has not defiled herself”

This section addresses the subject of marital problems; specifically that of jealousy. If a husband suspects his wife of cheating on him, but has no evidence, only suspicion; or if she hasn’t cheated, but he becomes jealous of her, this is what they are to do. The man is to bring his wife before the priest, and the priest is to make a concoction for her to drink (holy water, dirt and dried ink). Then, if she cheated on her husband, when she drinks it, her thigh will rot and her belly will swell. What’s this all about?

The Code of Hammurabi law dates back roughly to the time of Abraham. It is believed this code governed the pagan people in the area of Mesopotamia. In this code there is something very similar to what Moses is talking about in these verses. According to Hammurabi, if a woman was suspected of cheating on her husband, she was thrown into the river; if she survived, she was innocent, and if she drowned, she was guilty. Other cultures had similar rites in order to discover the guilt or innocence of a person. They might throw them in a pit of poisonous snakes or alligators, and if guilty, they would die, but if innocent they would survive. Remember when Paul was bitten by the poisonous snake, the pagans believed it was because he was guilty of a crime worthy of death.

At first glance, Numbers 5 sounds similar to those pagan rituals. However, there is a striking difference between what Moses tells the people to do, and what the Code of Hammurabi, and other pagan rituals declare. Here’s the difference. If I filled a glass with water, put in a handful of dirt from the planter, added in a little ink from a pen, stirred it up, then gave it to you to drink, would that cause your stomach to swell and your thigh to rot? It might not taste good, but it’s not going to kill you. There’s nothing deadly about it. It might make you feel sick, but it would not be an effective form of capital punishment. If you have small children, it is a mixture they probably consume on a regular basis. A little dirt, a little ink, unwashed hands and a cheeseburger or handful of grapes. When you see their filthy hands grasping a french fry, you are not concerned their stomach will swell or their thigh will rot. The difference between Numbers 5 and pagan rituals is, in this case, the woman is presumed innocent. She’s not thrown into a pit of poisonous snakes or a raging river, where 99% of the time the person dies. Instead, she’s put into a circumstance where it’s physically impossible for a cup of dirty water to cause your belly to swell and your thigh to rot.

If a woman is out cheating on her husband, there’s something wrong in the home. If the man is so jealous he’s accusing his wife of committing adultery, even when she hasn’t, there’s something wrong in that home. In one case, it’s the sin of the wife, she has committed adultery. In the other case, it’s the sin of the husband, his jealously is unwarranted. In both cases, there are problems going on in the marriage; there are problems going on at home. I think it is important for us to understand that our relationship with the Lord has to be happening in our house. You can be under the banner, in the right camp, marching with the Tabernacle in the center; you can remove the lepers, you can confess the sin, and make the 120% restitution, but if things aren’t right in the home, then the army’s not ready for battle.

What is God’s solution for a marital problem? How were they to go about solving the problem? They were to take their marital problem to the Lord. Notice, it was a problem that only the Lord could decipher. The husband’s saying, “You cheated on me.” And the wife replies, “I didn’t.” And the husband declares, “I know it.” And she’s saying, “Prove it.” And he responds, “I can’t. There’s no evidence, I just know it.” Either he’s wrong or she’s wrong; there seems to be no answer. How are we going to find an answer? God says, “Bring it to Me. Drink some dirty water and I’ll provide the answer.” It’s so ludicrous! Dirty water is not going to make your stomach swell or your thigh rot. Nevertheless, they are putting their marriage into the hands of the Lord. The Lord is going to have to solve this marital conflict.

So often, when things are going wrong in our relationships at home, we want to run to the world for help. But the world‘s answer is, “Get divorced, you were never in love in the first place”, or “Separate for a while, you need some ‘me time’.” And we think that sounds like a good idea. Not recognizing it is as foolish as if we were told, “throw her in a pit with some snakes. If she dies, it was her fault, but if she lives it was your fault.” Christian, the world does not have the answer. We must go to the Lord, and let the Lord be the one to fix the problems. Let the Lord be the One who provides the answers. Then, when she drinks the concoction and she doesn’t gain excessive weight in strange places, and loose it in others, her husband will realize,  “I was wrong. Honey, I’m sorry I was so jealous. I’m sorry I brought you through that.” Or if her stomach does swell, and the wife realizes, “I was wrong. Forgive me, I’m sorry.” The Lord has solved the problem, the relationship is restored, and we are able to continue to impact the world for the kingdom of Heaven. Difficulties in marriage are not reasons to give up on marriage, but rather, are opportunities for the husband and wife to seek the Lord together. To see God accomplish the miraculous in their lives. Whatever problems you may be facing, humble yourself, go to your spouse, and begin with your spouse, to seek the Lord to heal and restore.

Pastor Jim